guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
