She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize