Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
