i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
