Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
