literally had 100 drinks last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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