So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
