You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
