If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
