9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
