didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
