Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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