if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
