Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
