where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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