my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
