the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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