I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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