Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
