the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
