I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
