happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
