I think I died a long time ago.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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