I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
