it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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