Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
