I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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