Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
