we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
