After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
