How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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