did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
