Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did I show you my penis last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
