either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
