xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
