Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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