I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
