How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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