I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
