i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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