you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
