I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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