Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
