when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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