At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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