Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
