So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
