wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
