Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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