he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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