im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
