Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
