Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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