I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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