I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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