Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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