We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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