everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
