when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
