Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize