the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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