that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
