it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
