Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
