32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
