Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
