she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
