Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
