We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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