Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
