Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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