and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
