There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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