so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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