So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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