hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
