Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
