even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
