eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
