All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
