I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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