Soap is not a condiment
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is wine microwaveable?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize