I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
