I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
