so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
