In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she peed on how many people?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
