Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
