Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
