I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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