This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
