yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
