i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
