I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
