You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
