My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
