You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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