I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
